Waiting
by Jougetsu
Summary: Elementary school age Doumeki searches for the friend he's seen only in garbled memories of past lives. Sequel to Awake. Preslash.
1. Chapter 1

**Fandom:** Xxxholic

**Title:** Waiting, 1/2

**Author:** Lannie

**Rating:** G, for this part

**Warnings:** No spoilers I can think of. Eventual DoumekixWatanuki.

**Disclaimer:** Characters owned by Clamp and their associated publishers.

**Notes:** Sequel to "Awake." Part of my sprawling Reincarnation arc. All dates are sequential for this part. Thoughts are in italics. Unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine. To date we haven't been given the names of Doumeki's family members so here are mine for the purpose of this story:

Doumeki Seito: Shizuka's grandfather and formidable exorcist.  
Doumeki Kazuko: Shizuka' grandmother, a highly intuitive woman.  
Doumeki Youka: Daughter of Seito and Kazuko, never formally trained in exorcism but highly sensitive to the energy of places.  
Doumeki Souya: Husband of Youka. As a veritable orphan, he adopted the Doumeki surname when he married Youka.

Dedicated to all the members of Deep Connection. Everyone's passion for the series and support for each other have been the driving force behind getting me to sit down and write this story that has been stewing in my brain for half a year.

Please enjoy!

**November 15**

Shizuka sighed as another Shichi-Go-San Festival drew to a close. No luck this year either. Other children were all right as playmates, but he was utterly spoiled for ordinary friendship. He had the knowledge that a veritable soul mate, his very own, was just around the bend. Almost.

Growing up in a temple it was only natural that he knew all about reincarnation and the spirit realms. From what he could puzzle out from his memories, there had been one person that had been his closest and most beloved companion throughout almost every lifetime they were together. A few lifetimes ago, circumstances beyond his control changed their relationship for the worse. Shizuka couldn't glean the specifics, but something had happened to make his dear friend feel betrayed by him. And it rankled. He wanted his friend back, his confidante, his other half. It didn't matter if they remembered all or none of their shared past. He just wanted to be with him, to start anew something that promised to be wonderful.

"No luck this year?" Kazuko joined her grandson on the porch.

"Not yet, Gramma," he sighed once more.

"Here have some chitoseame, it'll cheer you up."

"Thanks," Shizuka sucked on the red-and-white candy thoughtfully. "Waiting's so hard."

"No question there," agreed Kazuko. "But we must learn and grow during that waiting."

The young boy nodded, knowing full well his grandmother wasn't referring to school. He knew he was bright and had no trouble picking up new concepts. In fact his family often taught him various skills and subjects on the side. He couldn't be sure how much of it was deliberate, but it didn't make him less appreciative of his haphazard "home schooling."

In spite of having memories of past lives, he was not an adult in a child's body. His memories were garbled and utterly lacking in meaningful context. His feelings and self-awareness were precocious for a young child, but that was about it. Growing up, life experiences, those were the hard things, not school work or chores. And waiting, that was the worst.

"Why can't I just 'member all the stuff from past lives?" he demanded his family last month. "Wouldn't it be easier?"

"It's a cheat," Seito had told him. "Every new life teaches you new things, many you would never have learned in your old ones. To only rely on past knowledge is to squander the gift of life."

"Without the ability to simultaneously view a great many of your lives objectively and with wisdom," Kazuko had added, "they become meaningless. You can get attached to old mistakes instead of moving forward."

So all he had to do was grow up. Great.

"I know he's close," Shizuka told Kazuko. "I can tell."

When he concentrated so very, very hard he could feel his friend's presence. It was like an indigo thumbprint glowing faintly in the back, way back, in his mind.

"Yet not close enough to attend the same school or visit this temple on holidays," she finished. "Perhaps you two are not yet meant to meet."

"Maybe," he conceded. "Still don't like it."

"I didn't think so," laughed his grandmother.

"It's not funny, Gramma," he gave her his very fiercest scowl.

"Of course it's not, dear. But that's why we must make the best of it. Now come inside. Your mother went overboard and made a mountain of goodies this year. I think you can have some sweets and stay up a little late on such a big day."

"Inna minute, I wanna watch the stars come out."

"Not too long, mind you. It's getting chilly."

"Mmm, hmmmn," he answered absent-mindedly, already intent on the darkening sky. His favorite times of day were just before dawn and the first stirrings of twilight. It was then the world was not quite day and not quite night, not one thing or the other.

"Kinda like me," whispered Shizuka, savoring the transition from day to night.

The in-between times his mother called them. They were mysterious and magical, why just about anything could happen then! Those were the times he could believe in magic and wish on stars. And if he closed his eyes he could believe that maybe, just maybe his friend was wishing on the same stars and missing him just as much.

**February 28**

"Cross it off, Mama!"

It was bedtime and young Shizuka was wriggling with impatience.

"Why don't we wait until after your story," suggested Youka, ruffling her son's hair.

"But I might fall asleep!" protested the boy. "I wanna go to bed with a scents of status--, status..." he frowned trying to remember his new phrase.

"Sense of satisfaction?"

"Yeah! That! Please, Mama?" he hugged his mother and kissed her cheek. "I waited all day."

"All right, all right," she laughed. "In fact you can do it tonight. Your handwriting is improving so much."

"I am almost six," Shizuka said proudly. "One more week!"

Youka unhooked the large calendar from the wall and took her son's favorite marker from the dresser before handing it to him. Very carefully he made a large X on the date. She had to admit her father was quite clever suggesting it as a New Year's present for the boy. Shizuka had been confused until Seito explained the idea behind the gift.

"I remember being young and impatient," he indulged his grandson with a rare, warm smile. "My mentor had me cross off the days one by one. Whenever I felt frustrated with my progress he told me to look at all the crossed off days to realize how far I'd come. You can have this calendar, but you must promise me something."

"What's that, Grampa?"

"Promise me you won't waste your waiting time. Use every day to become a person your friend can be proud of. Will you do that?"

"I will! I promise I will!"

Ever since, Shizuka had attacked his lessons, both in school and out, with boundless enthusiasm. He rarely sulked and mention of his lost companion was rare. There were of course exceptions. Before he could stop himself he would say things such as,

"I wonder if he likes green tea candies..."

Or,

"Do you think he likes to fly kites?"

And the ever wistful,

"I really hope he'll like me."

It was that last one that broke Youka's heart every time she heard it. She could hardly imagine how her son must feel, knowing that your kindred spirit really was out there and not just wishful thinking.

"All done! Another month down!" he declared. "Now I'm ready for bedtime story."

"What kind of story do you want to hear, a new one or an old one?"

"Something new," Shizuka decided. "And with polar bears. We learned 'bout polar bears today in class."

"Did you ever hear a story about the polar bear warriors with magical armor?" Youka's eyes danced with amusement.

"Never! Tell me 'bout them!"

"A long, long time ago in the great north country..."

**April 8**

"How's it going, tough guy?" Souya hoisted his son up into his arms. "How was school?"

Shizuka hugged him back before replying in a small voice, "I think I'm in trouble."

"Why? What happened?" Souya couldn't think of anything his son could have done to cause trouble in school. If anything the boy was more quiet and polite outside of their

home.

"I dunno, but teacher said to tell you to come talk to her when you picked me up from school," came the rushed answer. "An' I'm really, really sorry, but I dunno what I did wrong."

"I'm not angry, Shizuka," he said softly. "So let's go see what teacher wants. Lead the way." He lowered Shizuka to the ground and took his hand. A few minutes later they were at the classroom door and the little boy looked utterly miserable.

"You sit out here while I talk to teacher, okay?" Souya could see his son was close to being ill. "You can hold my jacket and I do believe there's a chocolate mint in the pocket."

"Don't deserve it."

"Were you bad on purpose?"

"No."

"Did you do your best to make it a good day?"

"Yes."

"Well then I think you do deserve a little treat. It'll settle your tummy."

"How'd you know my tummy hurt?"

"I know my Shizuka."

Souya took a deep breath and entered the classroom, making certain to close the door behind him. He hated confrontation, but he would never step down.

"You must be Mister Doumeki! Your son looks just like you!" a skinny young woman with a shrill voice fairly accosted him. "Good looks must run in the family. I'm so glad you could come right away. I'm Miss Tanaka, Shizuka's teacher."

"Pleasure to meet you," Souya grit out. Ugh, this kind of woman was the worst. Exactly the type who used to chase after him when he was younger. He was even more grateful he had found Youka, just the thought of being married to someone like Miss Tanaka made his stomach turn.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Shizuka's such a bright boy, I can see that even though I've only been his teacher a little over a week."

_Spare me the flattery,_ thought Souya dryly. _Anymore artificial sweetness and you'll give me cancer._

Said Souya, "Do continue, Miss Tanaka."

"So you can imagine my surprise when he refused to do today's assignment properly."

_He's in first grade. He's six. Six year olds make mistakes. Sixty year olds make mistakes._

Said he, "Miss Tanaka?"

Tanaka finally moved out of his personal space and moved to her desk. She rifled through a stack a papers before finally finding Shizuka's.

"I asked the children to write a few sentences and draw a picture of their future husband or wife. Shizuka instead wrote about an imaginary friend."

Souya closed his eyes briefly, he had a feeling he knew where this was going.

With a dramatic flourish, the teacher handed him Shizuka's picture and essay. Souya studied them and smiled.

"Don't you see? I even told him to do it over and he wouldn't'!"

"Madame," he began. "Clearly, anyone can see this is not about an imaginary friend. It's about a friend he'd like to meet, much like what you had asked."

"But the assignment--"

"Like any normal child, my son doesn't have a sexuality. He doesn't see himself as an adult and can't imagine having what his parents have. A wife is a strange idea to him. What he can imagine is a wonderful friend, someone who would always be there for him. That I think is far healthier than pushing your domestic fantasies on six year olds."

He really had been living with Seito too long, the snark was rubbing off and he was enjoying Tanaka's dumbfounded look way too much.

"Not every child dreams of marital bliss. Most kids dream of talking to animals or having superpowers. I find it amazing that you're actually surprised that not all of them wrote sentimental drivel of summer weddings and fantasy spouses.

"Children are not mini-adults, but they are people. Young, imaginative people that won't always fit into the molds that exist in your tiny mind. Shizuka understood the assignment and completed it to the best of his ability. Don't take it out on him because he didn't follow your standard of convention. Good day to you, ma'am!"

It wasn't until he was back in the hallway that Souya realized he was a bit breathless. Normally, he wasn't one for speeches and cutting remarks, but that woman touched on a nerve.

"Papa?" his son tugged on his sleeve.

"Hi Shizuka, I liked your essay," Souya suddenly remembered he still had the project in his hands. "The picture, too."

"That was what teacher was mad about, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but you didn't do anything wrong."

"Really?"

"Really," he hugged his son tightly. "It was just unexpected."

"Thank you, Papa," whispered Shizuka.

"For what, tiger?"

"For knowing what I mean."

"It's what family's for," Souya picked up Shizuka for a piggy-back ride. "Now how about we pick up some ingredients at the store. A little bird told me Mama's thinking about making Grampa's favorite buckwheat noodles dish."

"Great!" chirped the boy. "An' you can tell me about the new book you're writing about on the way!"

"How'd you know about that? I haven't told anyone, even Mama."

"Papa's eyes are different when he's writing a book."

"Nothing gets past you does it?"

"'Course it does, I just know my papa!"

"Onward, to the store!"

"Onward, ho!"

To be continued...

**Author's Notes:**

**Shichi-Go-San Festival:** Japanese holiday where children ages 3, 5, and 7 get dressed up in traditional garb and are taken to local shrines and temples for blessings to ensure good health and fortune. Takes place on November 15 or the closest weekend to that date.

**Chitoseame:** Literally "thousand year candy," these red-and-white candies are give out to kids on Shichi-Go-San, usually in little baggies with cranes and turtles (both symbols of longevity).

**New Year's present:** Christmas in Japan is seen more as a romantic holiday than a family holiday. A child is more likely to receive gifts on New Year's than on Christmas.

**Polar bears with magical armor:** Ripped from Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials. If you even remotely like good children's fantasy go read these books, even though the bears are not the main focus.

**April 8:** The Japanese school year ends in early March and usually starts on April 1st, so Shizuka's new teacher can only have known him a week.


	2. Chapter 2

-1**Title:** Waiting, 2/2

**Author:** Jougetsu

**Rating:** PG, for this part for language & because Sei-chan likes little boys.

**Warnings:** No spoilers for XXXholic I can think of. Eventual & implied DoumekixWatanuki. Cameo crossovers with Cardcaptor Sakura, Wish, and Tokyo Babylon. Spoilers for the ending of Wish.

**Disclaimer:** Characters owned by Clamp and their associated publishers.

**Notes:** Sequel to "Awake." Part of my sprawling Reincarnation arc. All dates are sequential for this part. Thoughts are in italics. Unbeta'd, any and all mistakes are mine. To date we haven't been given the names of Doumeki's family members so here are mine for the purpose of this story:

Doumeki Seito: Shizuka's grandfather and formidable exorcist.  
Doumeki Kazuko: Shizuka' grandmother, a highly intuitive woman.  
Doumeki Youka: Daughter of Seito and Kazuko, never formally trained in exorcism but highly sensitive to the energy of places.  
Doumeki Souya: Husband of Youka. As a veritable orphan, he adopted the Doumeki surname when he married Youka.

All names within the story, however, are given Western style. Which is to say, given name first, followed by family name.

**EDIT: **Since I've started writing this story, CLAMP has revealed Doumeki's grandfather to be named "Haruka." Since Seito's characterization has differed from what we now know of Haruka's, we'll just have to label him an OC with Haruka's dashing good looks.

Dedicated to all the members of Deep Connection. Everyone's passion for the series and support for each other have been the driving force behind getting me to sit down and write this story that has been stewing in my brain for half a year.

xxxXXXxxx

**Night of April 8th**

Souya looked down at his revised manuscript and felt content. He didn't think Shizuka would want to hear about old folk crafts and homemade toys, but the boy had been surprisingly attentive. And the questions! Oddly enough, Shizuka's constant questions actually helped him redirect the scope of his research. No longer was it simply a treatise of how and when, but a narrative of why and who as well. It would involve more research than originally planned, along with more interviews, and a great deal of scholarly speculation, but it'd be worth it. The result would be a more informative and more entertaining work than the original drafts.

"What are you working on?" Youka came to look over his shoulder.

"A new book, Shizuka actually helped me brainstorm."

"Here, I brought you tea," she kissed his shoulder. "I heard about what happened at the school. I'm proud of you for defending our son."

"That woman is living in a dream world," he muttered. "I hate that he has such a twit for a teacher."

"Mrs. Segawa was a wonderful teacher, I kept hoping he'd get someone like her again this year.

"Same here," Souya took a sip from the cup. "Guess the good luck can't last forever."

"No, but it always comes around again."

"You don't have to stay up for me, go to sleep, hon," he told her. "I'll be along in a half hour. There are some ideas I want to jot down before I forget them."

"Night, darling. Make sure it's only a half hour. If you sleep in late, Father will eat your breakfast."

"The problem with this household is that it's not an empty threat. Then he'll smirk and tell me 'thanks for the meal.'"

"That's my father for you."

xxxXXXxxx

Shizuka was dreaming, a real dream not those garbled half-memories. This one had celestial foxes and ogres and dragons and all sorts of fantastic beasts. Just as he was visiting the chief of the raccoon-dogs to learn how to defeat the evil dragon king that had taken over the kingdom, there was a bright flash of pain.

Searing and sharp, the pain started behind his eyes. Next his skin was burning, burning up. He woke up and the pain was even worse. His chest ached badly and he could scarcely breathe. Then came the grief and anguish, soul-crushingly strong. Shizuka howled in pain, physical and emotional.

Something was very, very wrong. His beloved companion was in trouble, in pain, and he couldn't do a single thing about it.

"Shizuka! Shizuka, what's wrong?" Youka turned on the lights and rushed to the boy's bedside. Souya and Kazuko joined her moments later, while Seito watched from the door. "What happened? What is it?"

"Everything hurts," he managed to croak out, then wailed as a fresh burst of pain hit his senses.

"Shizuka, talk to us. You have to tell us what's wrong," Youka was doing her best to stay calm, but her heart was pounding.

"Dear, let me," Kazuko took Shizuka from his mother's arms. "Shhh, shhh, take slow and deep breaths. Count to ten and tell me what happened."

After a few minutes, Shizuka hiccupped and sniffled, "They're dead."

"Who's dead, dearie?"

"His parents. They died and now he's all alone and hurting so much."

Seito frowned from the doorway.

"What's hurting you?"

"My skin's all burny an' my chest hurts an' my eyes have pain behind them."

"In that case, we're going to fix you up some medicine tea to drink and use some lotion for your skin. Those will help," she rubbed his back gently in soothing circles.

"Gotta go find him," he whined plaintively.

"You can't help him when you're like this, we need to get you well first."

xxxXXXxxx

By dawn Shizuka was asleep again. Although, it took a lot of chamomile tea, children's tylenol, baby lotion, and hugs to achieve that state. Youka held his hand, asleep on a chair beside his bed. Downstairs the other family members were still awake and trying to understand the peculiar turn of events.

"I had no idea he had any Empath abilities," Kazuko shook her head.

"That was what this was about?" prompted Souya.

"His symptoms were purely psychosomatic," she explained. "It's not uncommon with amateur Empaths. If I'd known I would have taught him some simple blocking."

"It certainly wouldn't have hurt you to give him some training," Souya glared at his father-in-law.

"I don't want him involved in that world. It's brought our family enough grief," Seito answered levelly. "It's the same reason I didn't train Youka or you."

"We're part of that world," replied Souya. "It's in our blood, it's shaped who we are. You can't just ignore it hoping it'll go away! You know that!"

"You're bitter," Seito flatly stated. "You wanted to train under me and resent that I refused."

"I got over that a long time ago," Souya struggled to keep his voice down. "Let me ask you this; did you really refuse to train people in order to protect them? Or was it because you couldn't be bothered with anyone other than yourself?"

"Believe what you will. It won't change my decision."

"This doesn't change anything? Your grandson in pain doesn't change anything?"

"He's suffered enough for his connection to that world. I won't let that continue."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Gentlemen, please," Kazuko interjected. She was carrying a tray laden with tea and sweets, always of the school of thought that good food went a long way to comfort. Souya felt guilty, he hadn't even notice she left the room. "Why don't we calm down and think about what we can do for Shizuka?"

"Forgive me," Souya bowed his head. "I let my temper get the best of me."

Seito smirked, and helped himself to a rice cake.

xxxXXXxxx

**April 11th**

Three days later, Shizuka was feeling a bit more human. The pain in his chest had faded to a dull ache and the other symptoms had disappeared entirely. Unfortunately, he still hadn't any news of his friend. Every morning his father combed through five different newspapers looking for potential information, but came up short.

"Without names, places, or the nature of the deaths, it's almost impossible to find any information of value," Souya told his wife. "All we know is the date."

"It breaks my heart knowing that poor boy is all alone in the world. At least Shizuka has us," Youka wiped tears from her eyes. "I would gladly take him in if we could find him."

"Obituaries take about a week to ten days," reasoned Souya. "We might be able to get something more concrete then. Accident reports are usually sparse on details."

Meanwhile out in the west garden, Kazuko was sizing up Shizuka's Empathy.

"Do you always know what people are feeling?"

"Not really," he admitted. "If it's a really, really strong feeling it kinda feels like a tap on the shoulder. But when it's that strong their feelings are obvious anyway. An' it doesn't happen with everyone."

"Who does it happen with?"

"Mama and Papa, sometimes a classmate or teacher. Almost never with strangers. How come I don't feel it with you and Grampa?"

"Your grandfather and I have been taught how to block or shield our emotions and thoughts. That keeps them from affecting people who are sensitive like you." She didn't get into how it was a necessary skill for anyone dealing with spirits. A malevolent creature could do a lot of damage if it knew what was in your heart. But Seito had made it very clear that Shizuka was not to learn anything more than the bare essentials.

"Remember how your grandfather is teaching you how to meditate?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well we're going to start from there. Begin with the breathing exercise, then close your eyes and listen to my voice."

xxxXXXxxx

Unbeknownst to the rest of the family, Seito had actually taken up his own part in the search for Shizuka's friend. His methods, of course, did not involve newspapers. Ever since Shizuka woke up screaming he had gone through all his best search techniques. He had sent eight spirit animals to fan the eight directions, he spent hours following Shizuka's red spirit thread, he'd even gone so far as to use scrying (something he hadn't done since his teens).

Frighteningly, every method had failed. Worse than failed, thwarted and cut short. Simply coming up empty-handed was one thing, having his methods cut off were another. Something or someone was keeping the boy from being found. That set off all sorts of alarm bells in Seito's mind. The boy was clearly important and to more than one interested party. And if the boy and Shizuka had such a strong soul bond, it would only pull Shizuka into the same danger.

xxxXXXxxx

**April 15th**

The spring morning was sunny and bright, and cherry trees in spectacular bloom. Shizuka hopped from one barefoot to another, waiting impatiently for his mother to give him his lunchbox. He had taken care to get up early, dress and wash up so he could leave earlier. His little yellow hat was in place, his smock clean and wrinkle-free, his schoolbag had his homework in it, all that was left was his lunch.

"Are you sure you don't want Grandmother or Grandfather to walk you to school?" Youka asked. "I know me or your father usually does, but..."

"Yes, Mama. I'm really sure," he affirmed. Souya had taken the early morning train to Kyoto for some important interviews for his book and Youka had agreed to volunteer for charity event. When Youka voiced her concern over Shizuka walking to school alone, Seito said the boy was old enough to do so. And that was that. Though he had never shown any interest in walking to school alone, Shizuka was surprisingly amenable to the suggestion.

"He'll be fine," Kazuko assured her daughter. "The route he takes goes past several homes of his classmates. He'll be able to join up with them long before he reaches the school."

"I can't help but worry," Youka handed him the lunchbox and kissed his forehead. "He's still my baby."

"I'll be fine, Mama," Shizuka squirmed away to toe on his shoes. "Bye-bye!"

With a little wave, the boy ran out the door and to the end of the block without stopping until he got to the corner. Finally! He thought he'd never get out of there! It wasn't even that he was looking forward to school. No, Shizuka had a plan and it involved not going to school. Clearly, his family had been doing everything in their power to find his friend (even Grampa, though he'd never, ever admit to it), but he had to take matters into his own hands. He alone was the best suited to find his beloved and he was going to take action. Shizuka figured that the best way was to follow where the indigo light was strongest. But he needed to search fast and uninterrupted. That's where the brilliant part of his plan came in.

A lone six year old wandering the streets would attract way too much attention, his search would be over before it began. He was also quite aware that his youth made him a prime target for predators, both human and non-. But Shizuka had an edge on the average child, his trump card; the notice-me-not charm. Without meaning to, Kazuko had taught him a trick that was very little magic but mostly a way of thinking. It would allow him to be on the very edge of people's perception, practically fading into the background. Sure it wasn't true invisibility, it just highly diminished the abnormality of his presence in other's minds. True invisibility took a lot more power and very few mortals could ever master it, it simply wasn't worth it. The only downside to his trick was that it required constant concentration and wasn't effective on wills stronger than his own. It was doubtful he'd encounter any real trouble, most adults only saw what they wanted to see. No better than empty shells and feeble minded fools, that's what his grandfather thought of most people. 

Sometimes Grampa was kinda mean, but he was usually right.

The first part of his journey was easy, he'd played it over and over in his head every night for days now. Walk ten blocks towards the school, then five blocks west to the subway station. From there he needed to get to the next district over, the closest one was north. The actual search would be much less organized and his only restriction was getting back in time.

The subway was a fairly novel experience and the sheer excitement of the forbidden was a thrill. That didn't keep him from feeling guilty about not paying fare. His luck held out, the conductor had completely passed over him. It also helped that the car was crowded and he was a great deal shorter than the other passengers.

_I'm really sorry, but I promise it's for a good cause,_ he thought watching the retreating conductor.

After what seemed like forever (i.e, twenty minutes) his stop was called. Slyly, like a fox, he slipped through the crowd. Back in the sunlight Shizuka finally understood what his mother meant by the 'soul of places.' Despite looking very much like his own district, this place had its own feel. Even the very air seemed different.

All right, nothing left to do but to walk and search, which like many things was easier said than done. He walked and walked countless blocks, following the flickering pulse of energy. So far not a single human paid him any attention, though animals did. First a black and orange cat followed him for an hour, then it was a pair of birds, and every dog he passed barked out in what seemed like a friendly greeting. It was actually kinda cool. Just to see what would happen, Shizuka went into the first pet shop he saw. The clerks went nuts trying to figure out why the animals were getting all worked up. Even the fish were noticeably more active. This entertainment lasted him a good half-hour before he went back out into the streets.

Frustrated and fatigued, the boy stopped in a local park around noon. There he ate his packed lunch, fed crumbs to the birds, and assessed his morning progress. While this district was beautiful and peaceful, he hadn't gotten any indicators of his friend's presence. The farthest point was the eastern side of town, which he definitely wanted to check. It'd be awful if he came close to finding his friend and giving up so soon.

"Thanks for keeping me company," Shizuka told the birds politely. "I'm happy I could share my lunch with you."

Wiping the last crumbs off his smock, he rose and left the park. Much to his surprise, a bus stopped at the corner in front of him and was headed to the eastern part of town. Using Kazuko's charm he boarded the bus unnoticed. He sank back into the bus seat, his small feet dangled not quite reaching the floor. What a welcome relief for his aching feet and legs. There was a pretty wide margin between which stops he could use. And yet something stirred in his heart to get off at the sixth stop. It had nothing to do with his friend, but nonetheless it was important.

"Always bow to fate graciously," Kazuko often said. "Follow your important feelings and instincts."

Without quite knowing why, he followed his instinct to leave at the sixth stop. Once off, he walked three blocks and he arrived at what he knew to be the destination; a graveyard. Growing up where and how he did, Shizuka had no phobia of cemeteries. His grandparents had taught him two important things about places where the dead lay. One, it was important for the land to be consecrated and the area kept spiritually pure. Two, if the area was impure, you had to take precautions against malevolent spirits. Even if you couldn't see them, that didn't mean they couldn't hurt you. This particular place seemed pretty safe and he wasn't getting that funny feeling in his stomach that usually preceded danger.

"Here I go," he whispered to himself. Up the stairs and past the cherry trees, Shizuka was presented with a heart-breaking tableau. A father with his young son and daughter in front of a fresh grave. All at once he knew that it was the mother of the children who had died. Edging ever closer, the more he saw of the family the more struck he became.

The father had warm brown hair and eyes, and wore glasses. Although he appeared tall and strong, Shizuka could tell he was a gentle soul. His daughter couldn't have been more than three, looking scared and confused. She had reddish-brown hair and eyes so green they put summer leaves to shame. But it was the son who interested Shizuka the most. About ten or so, but with his looks the boy could have been his brother. The main difference was the eyes, almost the same blue-violet of his beloved's.

Before it had never occurred to Shizuka to want for siblings, he always thought his family was perfect the way it was. And yet this boy made him wish for an older brother, someone strong and kind who he could share his problems with. He would have felt better if even his friend had a brother like that.

It wasn't long before the family left and Shizuka stepped up to the grave. Though it was rare for him to see spirits, the recentness of the death and the relative youth of the victim made for a very strong ghost presence. According to the tombstone, her name was Nadeshiko Kinomoto and she was sitting on the earth before it. Nearly as solid as anyone living, Shizuka could see the fineness of her features and the jade green of her eyes. She was weeping, inconsolably as was the right of a mother who died before her children had grown.

"How do you do, Miss Nadeshiko," the young boy bowed politely. "I'm Shizuka Doumeki. I know you don't know me, but I wanted to tell you I like your family. I think I like you, too."

The ghost quieted her sobs to look at him.

"I know you gotta be worried 'cause you're a mom and you had to leave your kids. But you can't worry too much 'cause that turns into guilt and regret. Those are feelings that make cages. An' I think you deserve better than to be caged."

He hadn't planned on lecturing a ghost, but the words seemed to tumble out of his mouth before he could think.

"Forget guilt, you can't do anything about that now. You should remember love, they'll always be in your heart and you in theirs. It's only with love that you can be free. Free to move from this place so you can either watch over them or move one from this world knowing one day they will follow. They'd be really sad if they knew you trapped yourself here out of guilt. I'd be sad, too."

Shizuka blinked back tears and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them again, Nadeshiko had the most sweet and understanding smile on her face. Suddenly he felt ashamed.

"Don't think I was yelling at you or mad at you, 'cause I wasn't, I just-"

The woman laughed and leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

"Thank you, Shizuka," she said. "You've helped me more than you know."

"I'm glad, I'm really glad," he replied. "Goodbye, Miss Nadeshiko! I hope we meet again!"

"Goodbye, darling, and good luck with your search," Nadeshiko hugged him tightly. As she pulled back, two glorious wings of dove-white feathers grew from her back and she took flight.

"Wow."

It was quite possible one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. Deep in thought, he walked back to the graveyard entrance. There he placed a palm on each gatepost and fervently whispered, "Keep this place safe."

As quick as his little legs could carry him, Shizuka rounded the corner and found a bus heading south. Just in time he arrived to walk with a group of school children at the block closest to the temple. Running up the stone stairs, he was finally home.

"Mama, I'm home!" he cried. "Hi Gramma! Hi Grampa!"

"Welcome home, baby," Youka picked him up for a hug. "My big, brave boy!"

It took Shizuka a minute to realize that his mother thought the extent of his day's adventure was walking to school alone. He wondered what she'd say if she really knew what he had been up to.

"I love you, Mama," he whispered, thinking of Nadeshiko's children and his own beloved.

"I love you too, sweetie," she replied. After a moment she sniffed at his hair. "Did they do something to the school grounds? You smell like a different place today."

Darn double darn it! Oh, the perils of having a psychically sensitive family.

"I dunno, I didn't notice." Shizuka was pleased at his answer's honesty. "Can I take a nap? I'm really tired."

"You're not sad, are you?"

"Nope, just worn out."

"All right then, dear."

xxxXXXxxx

Shizuka's second day of searching started out much like the first, only this time it was the district to the northeast. It was much quieter and refined than his home district. Many of the buildings were traditionally Japanese and many of the private homes had lawns and gardens. Shizuka was doubly glad for his charm because this looked like the sort of place that did not deal with trespassers kindly. The indigo pulse was stronger in this district, but it was a different energy that attracted his attention. Before long he found himself in the most beautiful neighborhood he'd ever encountered and in front of house shaded by wisteria trees. From around the side yard a person of a shining, gentle beauty came to greet him.

"Good morning, little one. May I help you?"

For half a minute, Shizuka tried to determine the gender of the stranger before discarding it as unimportant. This person was simply transcendent and radiant, and he felt small and dirty.

"Um..."

_An angel,_ he thought. _That's what this person reminds me of._

"Perhaps we should talk over tea?" the stranger offered him a hand.

Nine times out of ten, the boy obeyed his family's rule of not going with strangers no matter what. But like his grandparents, Shizuka had a honed sixth sense. And right now that sense was saying that if he didn't talk to this lovely person now, he might never have the chance again. That was simply not an option.

"Yes, please," he took the hand. "What shall I call you?"

"My name is Hisui."

Jade. It couldn't have been more appropriate. Skin like the palest white jades, hair the color of soft yellow jades, and eyes the perfect hue of Chinese green jade, even the their kimono was in hues of the stone.

"I'm Shizuka," he said shyly.

"Kokuyou, put on the kettle. We have a guest," Hisui announced in the hallway. From further in the house, they could hear the affirmative grumbles of the other resident. The boy toed off his shoes and was surprised to find a pair of tiny house slippers in the hall. The angelic person took his hat and smock and hung them on the coat rack. Hisui led him to the dining room that opened up into the kitchen. There was a large, powerful looking man with dark hair and eyes.

"Good morning," Shizuka greeted him. "Thank you for having me in your home."

"Hisui, who is this?" the man cocked an eyebrow. "What's he doing here?"

"Shizuka, this is my companion Kokuyou. Kokuyou, this is Shizuka," Hisui ignored Kokuyou's rudeness.

"Look, kid, are you stupid or something? Didn't your parents tell you to stay away from strangers?"

"We're not strangers!" he blurted. There was something awfully familiar about Hisui, and even Kokuyou, but he couldn't imagine what made him say it. "Um, right?"

"You're quite right, we're not strangers. We were just never formally introduced before," Hisui replied. "Do you remember?"

Shizuka closed his eyes, in his mind he saw himself a grown man, an archer living in green mountains. "You were the divine wind, who carried my arrows," he whispered.

"You were the Nakasendou Archer, the premiere exorcist of your generation," Hisui smiled. "I was the angel of the winds and during your most difficult battles I aided you."

Kokuyou coughed on his cup of coffee, then looked vaguely impressed.

"You sent a lotta demons back to Hell, I remember those days," he reflected. "Destroyed quite a few, too."

"Aren't you still the angel of the winds?" Shizuka asked as Hisui gently guided him to the table.

"No longer, I'm afraid. Relinquishing my rank was something of a price I had to pay," explained the angel.

"Price for what?"

"For the love I chose," Hisui looked fondly at Kokuyou. "I fell in love with a demon prince and to stay with him I would no longer be able to serve my rank or return to Heaven."

Shizuka thought about this for a moment.

"Are you banished from Hell 'cause you fell in love with an angel?" the boy asked Kokuyou. To his surprise the man laughed.

"Nah, they don't really care what I do. In fact they were impressed I caused an angel to 'fall'," he smirked. "The only reason we don't live there is that Hisui is still angel enough to not be able to enter that realm."

Now that Kokuyou was sitting at the table with them, Shizuka noticed one of his eyes was milky white instead of obsidian black. He looked at Hisui, noticing for the first time the lone obsidian earring on the angel's ear. He couldn't say what made the connection in his mind, but he had the funny feeling that earring was the other's eye.

"Did that hurt?" he demanded to know. "Uh, sir?"

The other man shrugged. "It's what I chose to do, I didn't think about pain. It's common among demons to sacrifice an eye like that to show a deep commitment like an engagement or marriage."

"Huh," the boy marveled. "I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to make a sacrifice like that."

"Well, there's a lot of things we don't think we'd ever do," Kokuyou added. "And somehow we end up choosing to do them."

"Are you mad I killed demons in another life?"

"Are you mad I killed humans before I met Hisui?"

"Not really."

"There's your answer."

"Huh."

"More tea boys?" Hisui interrupted, secretly pleased how well the two were getting along.

"Sure."

"Yes, please!"

xxxXXXxxx

"Every encounter, every moment, each is laden with meaning," Hisui plucked a few wisteria blossoms from the tree. "I used to believe that wholeheartedly when I was first born, but eventually, even an angel can lose their way."

"Like when you met Kokuyou?" Shizuka wanted to know. After tea it was suggested they go to the garden. The boy felt a bit sleepy and now was laying on his back, watching the dappled sunlight through the tree leaves.

"No, I found my way with Kokuyou," the angel corrected. "Before then, for a while, I felt adrift. I thought that it didn't matter who the angel of the winds was, that Hisui as an individual was meaningless. When I fell in love with Kokukyou, I realized that my life, my existence was important. I already had a personality and a will and a heart, they had just been hidden behind rank before that."

The boy nodded, though he wasn't quite understanding the big picture.

"I suppose what I'm saying, Shizuka, is that you must remember everything in your life has meaning. Even if the meaning isn't readily apparent, there really is no such thing as coincidence."

Hisui placed both hands on the tree's trunk and with that an amber light appeared to be emanating from the spot. Curious, Shizuka scrambled to his feet to get a closer look.

"In this tree, an angel is sleeping, awaiting for their true love to be reborn in this world. Death, little one, is not the end of love. However, anything that dies transforms."

The light from the tree faded little by little, until it was as if it had never been there at all. Hisui sighed and smiled sadly. Shizuka instinctively took the angel's hand in his own. Someone so beautiful and loving shouldn't be so sad.

"Don't be sad, everything will definitely be okay," he reassured his friend. "I'm really glad to have met the two of you. You'll be all right and so will your friend."

"I'm really glad to have met you, too, Shizuka. Both then and now."

xxxXXXxxx

On the third day of his search, Shizuka was feeling quite confident and optimistic. Of course he still felt a little guilty for deceiving his family, but his reasons were, well important. The subway was no longer intimidating. In fact it was becoming quite familiar to him, so much so that he daydreamed while waiting for his stop to come up. He didn't even notice when a man sat down next to him until he was spoken to.

"It's a cute trick," the man said suddenly.

At first Shizuka was certain the man couldn't be talking to him, especially since his little body was practically blocked from view by the man's newspaper.

"I almost didn't notice you," the man continued. "I must say I'm impressed, boy."

He risked a sidelong glance at the man. The stranger was darkly handsome and cut sharp figure in his designer suit. While these things would have made anyone stand out in a crowd, they weren't even close to his most striking features. One eye was golden, the other milky white, and he carried the air of a predator.

"I'm waiting for my teacher to get back from the bathroom," Shizuka announced. "We're running late for a field trip."

"No you're not."

Immediately, Shizuka made a move to leave his seat, but was stopped by the stranger's hand on his thigh.

"You really must tell me your name," the man drawled. "I thought I knew all the precocious young ones in the area."

There came a pain in the back of his mind, as he realized the stranger must have laced his words with a spell.

_Tell me your name._

The pain creeped to the of his skull and trickled down behind his eyes.

"No!"

_Tell me your name._

One's birth name, one's true birth date, these were the things that gave an enemy power over you.

"I am...I am..."

His shoulders felt as if they were being clawed by some ravenous beast.

"Go on."

"I am silent, a hundred-eyed monster whose vigil never ends," he replied in a voice not quite his own. "And who might you be?"

"Clever, child, though I see now you're of Seito's line," the man folded up his newspaper and reached into his breast pocket. He procured a sprig of pink cherry blossoms and with mock gentleness tucked the flowers behind Shizuka's ear. The boy shuddered violently, reacting to both the action and the evil held in the flowers. "I am the guardian of the cherry tree grave."

_A hunter who kills not for sustenance, not for protection is a beast whose satiation derives from pain and the power it brings._

"Sakurazukamori..."

"Tell me, what's the grandson of an exorcist doing all alone on the subway? You're too young for your trials and I always heard the old bastard wouldn't train anyone."

Shizuka swallowed hard and desperately tried to think of a way out of his predicament. He really had been sheltered at the temple, this was the first time in his life (or this life at any rate) that he was in mortal danger. Scratch that, more than mortal danger. This hunter knew the intricacies of yin-yang magic and used them for the most vile and sadistic of purposes. Who knew what ways this man could violate his body and soul. Hot tears burned behind his eyes and he choked back bile. He couldn't leave his beloved now, he wouldn't.

"How beautiful you are, trembling in fear," cooed the hunter, petting the nape of Shizuka's neck.

"Shut up!" he spat on the older man and jumped from his seat. Then, he ran.

_Gotta run gotta run gotta run gotta run gotta run!_

Faster and faster and faster, the boy ran from one car to the next until he was at the back of the train. Through the windows, he could see the Sakurazukamori, slowly and deliberately following him. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was inevitable, but just when the man was two cars away the train arrived at the station. Thanking all the gods he could think of, Shizuka got off the train and dodged into the crowd.

Outside, it was raining.

xxxXXXxxx

Though the morning had started out sunny and bright, sometime during his hellish train ride the weather had turned cold and rainy. Any other time, he might have ducked into a department store to wait out the rain or take the train home, but he was too afraid of the Sakurazukamori to do either.

So he walked. Walked for hours without stopping, trying to focus on the indigo glow of his friend. It hadn't taken long for his clothes to soak through and his fingers and toes to feel a chill. By early afternoon, Shizuka wasn't even aware of his surroundings. His mind was a blank, his body a mere vehicle for trailing an energy pulse.

Finally, his body gave out and he collapsed on the sidewalk in front of a boarding house. 

_Beloved, I'm so sorry._

xxxXXXxxx

Kimihiro was supposed to be trying to catch up on schoolwork that afternoon, but he couldn't bring himself to care. What was homework when your parents were dead, he'd felt. Instead, the boy looked out the window. While the landscape was bleak, he couldn't help but feel a sort of satisfaction. He never cared if the stupid sun never shined ever again. Let it rain outside the way tears rained in his heart.

Around three o'clock, something outside caught his eye.

"Mrs. Norita! Mrs. Norita!"

"What is it Kimihiro?" His newly appointed guardian came into the living room.

"There's a kid outside, he fell on the sidewalk and he's not getting up!"

A few minutes later, Mrs. Norita had called an ambulance and her husband had brought the boy from outside into their living room. Kimihiro brought out all the towels and blankets he could find at the woman's request. Up close, he realized the boy had to be his own age. He had to wonder what would possess a school child like himself to walk around in the rain until he fell ill.

_What were you thinking? Why would you do this?_ He reached out and held one of the boy's ice-cold hands. At this the other boy's eyes fluttered open, and for a brief moment gave Kimihiro a look a pure heartbreak before closing again.

xxxXXXxxx

"Mother! Father! Souya!" Youka cried from the kitchen. Her husband and parents came immediately at her cry of distress.

"Darling, what is it?" Souya asked.

"The hospital called, Shizuka's there!"

xxxXXXxxx

**Author's Notes:**

**Mrs. Segawa**

Crossover character from Clamp's X. While married women in Japan almost never hold down jobs, she seemed like the perfect kindergarten teacher type to me.

**Empathy**

The psychic ability to feel/read the thoughts and feelings of others.

**Psychosomatic**

Symptoms without a medical cause; manifestations of physical pain that have mental or emotional causes.

**Eight Directions**

Classical China and Japan count eight traditional directions.

**Red Thread**

Not sure where this originated from, but in lots of anime, manga, and Japanese pop culture in general it is said that people who are destined for each other have a red spirit thread connecting their pinkies.

**Scrying**

The practice of divination using mirrors, bowls of water, or any reflective surface.

**Kyoto**

The former capital of Japan, a city that has always been renowned for its arts and culture.

**Hat and smock**

Japanese kindergarteners wear, usually yellow, hats and smocks. They look so cute it's frightening.

**Nadeshiko and family**

Cardcaptor Sakura crossover. I always thought Nadeshiko was a remarkably well adjusted ghost for a woman who died young and left small children behind. While priests do all sorts of purification rites, I think Nadeshiko might be more moved by a child, close in age to her own children, than priests she likely never met. I also wanted to portray Shizuka's exorcism and spirit abilities.

**Hisui and Kokuyou**

Wish crossover. All the magical folks of Wish are named after gemstones, Hisui means "jade" and Kokuyou means "obsidian." If you know anything about the more recent chapters of Xxxholic, you understand the connection. Where were Kouryuu and the cats? Probably napping since it was daytime.

**Nakasendou Archer**

The Nakasendou, literally the Mid-mountain Road, was a popular route for pilgrims and travelers in medieval and feudal Japan. Many shrines, monasteries, and towns were clustered around it. Despite this, because it was less heavily traveled than the Tokaidou, literally the Eastern Sea Road, and more geographically isolated the Nakasendou could be dangerous and attracted shady characters. I liked the idea of making one of Doumeki's past lives a sort of Robin Hood role. In that life he combined exorcism and vigilantism to keep the sacred mountains safe. As far as I know, there is no character in Japanese lore known as the Nakasendou Archer.

**"I am silent..."**

Shizuka is Japanese for silent, quiet, or gentle. Doumeki is literally "hundred eye monster." However, to describe a thousand-eyed monster you would probably say something along the lines of "hyaku-me kemono." Shizuka's play on words in his own name are able to satisfy Seishirou's spell (though not his curiosity!)

**Sakurazukamori**

From Clamp's Tokyo Babylon and X/1999, a line of assassins who use yin-yang magic to kill their victims. Victims are then sacrificed to an evil, magical cherry tree. The position of Sakurazukamori is secured by killing the current Sakurazukamori, heirs need not be related to their predecessor.

**Your trials**

In many traditions both Eastern and Western, an apprentice in the magical arts is given tests or trials they must pass on their own to complete their apprenticeship and move forward in their studies. Normally, these trials are rites of passages and the earliest one would start taking them would be at the start of puberty.


	3. Epilogue: Forgetting

**Epilogue:** Forgetting  
**Author:** Lannie  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings:** No spoilers for XXXholic I can think of. Eventual & implied DoumekixWatanuki.  
**Disclaimer:** Characters owned by Clamp and their associated publishers.  
**Notes:** Epilogue/mini-sequel to "Waiting." Part of my sprawling Reincarnation arc. All dates are sequential for this part. Thoughts are in italics. Unbeta'd, any and all mistakes are mine. To date we haven't been given the names of Doumeki's family members so here are mine for the purpose of this story:

Doumeki Seito: Shizuka's grandfather and formidable exorcist.  
Doumeki Kazuko: Shizuka' grandmother, a highly intuitive woman.  
Doumeki Youka: Daughter of Seito and Kazuko, never formally trained in exorcism but highly sensitive to the energy of places.  
Doumeki Souya: Husband of Youka. As a veritable orphan, he adopted the Doumeki surname when he married Youka.

EDIT: Since writing this story, Clamp has given Doumeki's grandfather the name Haruka. I am not sure how wildly divergent my characterization of Grandfather Doumeki is from the canon. So shall I go back and change the name, or is Seito more of an original character? Let me know what you all think. We'll keep it Seito for now to keep continuity.

All names within the story, however, are given Western style. Which is to say, given name first, followed by family name.

Dedicated to all the members of Deep Connection. Everyone's passion for the series and support for each other have been the driving force behind getting me to sit down and write this story that has been stewing in my brain for half a year.

The taxi ride to the hospital was a silent affair. There had really seemed nothing any of them could say that would help the situation. As soon as the family had been notified that Shizuka fell ill while wandering in one of the neighboring districts it was obvious he had undertaken a solo search for his friend. What fools they'd been! And yet by the same token, Shizuka was not the average elementary schooler and was clearly capable of subterfuge. He was clever, yes, but still a child with a child's sense of ill logic and a young body's limitations. The fact that they had failed him weighed heavily on their minds.

Kazuko had always thought herself a pragmaticist. Taking on extra guilt or worry from things she could not control had never been her habit. Now though her entire being was filled with an unbearable sense of failure. Failing both her child and grandchild, her talents were of no use, her intellect and intuition of no consequence.

At the hospital, watching her son struggle for breath. Youka could only numbly think of a doll her childhood friend had possessed. Imported from Europe, the doll had been made of molded from a sickeningly pale wax and had too shiny blue-glass eyes. Privately, she had always thought it resembled a corpse. And now here was Shizuka looking just like that doll, skin pallid, fever-bright eyes, with lips and finger tips tinged with blue.

"He'll be fine," Kazuko squeezed her hand before reaching for Shizuka's. "Many children have had pneumonia and got through it just fine."

"I know, Mother it's just," Youka's voice trailed off as she regarded her son. "I don't want to lose him."

"None of us do."

The two women sat silently at the foot of the bed for the rest of the visit. Outside, in the hallway, Souya and Seito filled out the necessary paperwork and answered the social worker's questions. Or rather, Souya did the paperwork and answered questions while his father-in-law stood beside him in deep contemplation. The wheel of fate was no mystery to Seito. It rose and fell, sped up and slowed down, regardless of human wishes. He had long prided himself on his ability to adapt to change. For any given problem, Seito believed there were a number of viable solutions. Finally the time had come in which only one solution seemed available, or at least the only one that would save his grandchild's life. Had Shizuka's actions and illness been avoidable or simply inevitable?

**50 Years Ago, Near Mount Koya**

"Shall I close the screen, master?" Seito Doumeki asked the older monk.

"That will not be necessary," smiled Koun, sipping his bowl of tea.

"The October winds are quite chilly, you might become ill," protested the young monk.

"I am already dying, let an old man his comforts. The maple leaves in the wind cheer me."

For some time, the howl of the wind outside was the only sound that could be heard. Seito fixed himself some tea and sighed.

"How long?" he finally inquired.

"I have told the other monks three weeks."

It was an answer, though even young as he was, Seito could see it wasn't an honest answer.

"How long, master?" he asked more softly.

"I have been granted a vision of my death and next life," Koun responded at last. "Next Tuesday morning from what I can gather."

"I am sorry, master."

"There is nothing to be sorry about, my son. I have a favor to ask of you."

"Anything. Name it and it is yours."

"I want you to contact him at the time of my death, so that he has the option of attending my funeral."

"Him? That man, that police officer who has been nothing but a constant source of grief and animosity your entire life? Master, are you certain?"

The old man chuckled, replying, "Well, I would not say nothing but grief. It is a great deal more complicated than that. But yes, I am most certain."

"I see."

"There is more I have to tell you, Seito, though I am afraid it is no secret teaching."

"My ears are always open to my master's wisdom."

"I would not call it wisdom. If anything, I am embarrassed to say it falls more along the lines of another favor."

"Go ahead."

"All signs point to my next lifetime being the most auspicious for breaking the cycle in which I have been ensnared for many lifetimes. If I may be so bold as to ask for some guidance from you."

"From me, master?"

"For you see, Seito, my next incarnation is as your grandson."

**Present Day**

Five days after Shizuka's release from the hospital, Seito donned his best clothes and went for a walk in the moonlight. It mattered not which direction he wandered, only that he had a wish in his heart, one that he alone could not fulfill. The witching hour was nigh when at last he arrived at his destination, the mysterious shop of Yuuko Ichihara.

"Welcome, Grandfather!" Two little girls had opened the door and beckoned him forward. They had not been there during his last visit, but fifty years was a long time ago. Down a narrow hall they led him before pulling a screen open to reveal Yuuko's living quarters.

"Mistress, the guest has arrived!" they cried simultaneously.

Dark and beautiful as ever, the Witch of Time and Space rose to greet Seito.

"Dear friend," she embraced him warmly.

"The circumstances are not happy ones," he replied crossly, though returning the embrace.

"Indeed, though happier times may arise because of them. Wine, my friend?"

"Most appreciated."

"Maru, Moro, fetch the large green bottle from the kitchen.

"You know why I am here."

"I knew it for some time."

"What is the price?"

"Wouldn't you rather hear the solution first?"

"The solution is forgetting."

"Ah, but the forgetting is very much part of the price."

Seito scowled.

"Despite all appearances, my powers are not limitless and follow specific rules. Our transactions must adhere to the universal balance otherwise the best results cannot be achieved."

"Continue."

"Shizuka will forget. His price is the forgetting itself. Although his memories cause him much pain, they are also a great source of strength. Your price is your power. Your command of magic shall dwindle bit by bit until your dying day. Your wisdom, in the form of your journals, books, and talismans are to be bequeathed to the shop as I ask for them. Some will be before your death, others upon your death, and still others years after your death. What you have learned is not yours exclusively and it too has a place in this universe of give and take."

"Fine," snapped the man. "Is that all?"

"No, Seito. There is one more component of the price. After your death, the seal on Shizuka's memories will fade."

"You cannot."

"You are making a wish without the consent of the recipient, obviously there will be constraints. Since you view his memories as painful, I will take away that pain for as long as possible."

"After I am dead, who will protect him?"

"He will become stronger than you realize. If you wish him to grow up normally, this is the limit. There is a reason Shizuka has been reborn with certain memories intact."

"I do not care for this arrangement."

"Whatever you may think, Seito, I care a great deal for both of them."

xxxXXXxxx

Since he was found that night, Shizuka had not spoke a word. He felt sick, heartbroken, confused, tired, and even a little angry. It was hard to find the words that would express everything he was feeling and everything he had been hoping for. So he thought instead. Thought of new ways to find his friend, puzzled over any clues his patchwork memories might have left behind, and wondered where it might all end.

Shizuka's continued silence was being to unnerve the family. They hadn't expected him to talk much in the hospital, that type of atmosphere felt stifling to all of them. Youka was afraid he might never speak again and was worried that there might have been a great deal more trauma dealt to the boy than mere pneumonia. Souya feared the same and secretly wondered if they should be looking for a child psychologist. Sensing traces of different spirit attachments, for lack of a better word, Kazuko gave the boy a purification bath after the first week of antibiotics and dressed him in girls' kimono to fool malevolent spirits.

And Seito simply waited for the arrival of a witch.

A witch who made no appointments, but always appeared when the time was right.

The night before Shizuka would return to school, Yuuko came to the temple. She brought a bottle made of a strange glass and a goblet that looked far too large for anyone to comfortably drink from. Nevertheless, the bottle's contents were poured into the goblet and Shizuka knew he must drink. Instinctively, he understood that the witch was here to make him forget all about his friend.

Part of him wanted to forget so badly, it would make the ache go away.

The other part of him rallied for remembrance and was determined to make things work.

Shizuka knew he was hurting his family this way, maybe just as bad as his friend was hurting. It might be okay to forget for now, Grampa seemed to think so. Hands shaking, he drank from the goblet. Each sip tasted different and the liquid shimmered every color of the rainbow. Drowsiness fell upon him, bit by bit, until he was too tired to keep drinking and the world around him became dark.

xxxXXXxxx

There once was a pot, scratched with a hundred different symbols.

There once was a delicate bowl, filled with water and reflected moonlight.

There once was a pair of urns, fabulously painted and kept shut tight.

There once was a sake bottle, discolored from poison.

There once was a teapot, tranquil despite the world around it.

xxxXXXxxx

When he awoke the next morning, the images of those vessels were burned in Shizuka's mind, and he didn't know why.

The rest of the family had guessed at Seito's reasons for calling the witch and were initially relieved at the results. Healthy once more, though still tiring easy, Shizuka returned to school and seemed to be happy, if not energetic. He recalled nothing of his friend, save for a nagging feeling of unfinished business. His parents were a bit dismayed that he never quite returned to his formally optimistic and more talkative self, but felt anything was an improvement over those weeks silence and dejection. Seito wanted to think that the personality changes represented a spell poorly done. Deep down, he and Kazuko both knew that another piece of Shizuka's childhood had been taken away from him.

**July**

After finishing his bowl of cold noodles, Shizuka was more than ready to leave the table and go out to the garden to just think for a while. But when Souya clapped a hand on his shoulder and refilled his iced tea glass, he knew it wasn't to be. And his mother had a look in her eyes that meant Serious Family Talk.

"I see that teacher sent a note home," Youka began. "She says you're not helping with the class Tanbata project."

He wasn't sure what to say. Last year, he had no problem decorating the little bamboo trees with origami animals and papers of wishes. But something gnawed at him this afternoon, a tendril of rebellion that knotted and grew. In a distracted manner, he folded the traditional adornments until Ms Tanaka instructed him to write down his wish and hang it on the tree. He remembered quite clearly, the simultaneously sour and chill feeling in his gut, as he refused her in no uncertain terms.

_"Why won't you make a wish, Shizuka?"_

_"I don't wish, I do."_

Ms Tanaka hadn't understood him at all and pleaded with him for five minutes before flouncing back to her desk. Even Shizuka was surprised by his newfound disgust for wishes and silly promises. Something in him was fiercely determined to shape his own destiny, any help whatsoever. Including wishes.

"Shizuka?"

"I didn't like the project," he finally mumbled.

"Sometimes in life, we have to do things we don't like," Souya said kindly.

"You're more pure than most," commented Kazuko, handing him some freshly sliced cold watermelon. "You only want to do things that you believe in. Other people will veil their true feelings and fulfill the social niceties expected of them, but you don't care to. This world doesn't always deal kindly with that."

Seito snorted in agreement, and continued reading the evening paper.

"Maybe we can forget about this note, if you can try harder to get along better in school," Youka ruffled her son's hair. "Next time you have a difficult time with an assignment, you can talk to us or teacher before it gets out of hand, okay?"

"Okay."

"Did you think about what you want to do over summer break yet?"

"Not yet."

Which wasn't entirely true. Shizuka had a feeling that there was something important he ought to be doing this summer. And if he couldn't do that important thing, which he frustratingly couldn't remember,, he should be trying to do something meaningful with his time. A few nights later, an odd notion struck him as Youka was tucking him in.

"Mama?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I know what I want to do this summer."

"What's that, sweetie?"

"I wanna start learning kyuudou."

Youka smiled at her young son's earnest demeanor. For the first time since him illness, Shizuka seemed to radiate hope and determination

"We'll start looking for a dojo tomorrow morning."

THE END

**Notes:**

**Mount Koya**

One of the seats of Japanese Buddhism and esotericism. Well known for its master-student secret teachings that are thought to have been taught unbroken for centuries. Founded by the master monk Kukai, though in Japan he is better known by his posthumous name of Koubou Daishi.

**Monk Names**

Like Christian monks and nuns, Buddhist monks and nuns take on new names once they take their vows. The latter system is still a mystery to me (my Buddhist studies teacher would be so ashamed of me), so I used 'Koun' since it is not an uncommon component of Japanese Buddhist names. Although as a monk-in-training Seito would have a different name, I have Koun use his given name to emphasize that he does not see Seito as content in a monastery and to imply a familial affection.

**Temple v. Shrine**

Now I will confess to being a very lazy East Asian Studies student, I honestly cannot remember for the life of me whether the Doumeki family live in a temple or a shrine. And every time I think of going through all my Japanese Xxxholic manga just to find the reference that will set me straight, I bail out. I however am cheating and will blithely assume that they live in a Buddhist temple complex with a Shinto shrine somewhere on the grounds. Such arrangements are not uncommon in Japan, but it has bothered me that I never made it clear in my stories whether it was a temple or shrine.

**Tanbata**

Popular festival & folk holiday generally celebrated on July 7th or August 8th. Also known as "Star Festival" it celebrates the myth of the literally star-crossed lovers, the Weaver Goddess and the Cowherd. It's traditional to decorate bamboo stalks with paper decorations as well as strips of paper expressing one's wishes. Young school children often do Tanbata projects in class, even if their families don't celebrate at home.

**Kyuudou**

Traditional Japanese archery that Doumeki practices in the manga. We've yet to be given a canonical time or reason for Shizuka's first learning archery, so I thought this would be a nice way to tie back into canon.

**Other Notes:**

As you can see from the time between updates, this has been a difficult chapter to get done. Last year, I transferred universities and was juggling my time between school and a part-time job. So much has happened in the manga series since I last wrote and I'm really excited to see where Clamp will take the story next. Even though all fanfiction is by definition outside of canon, I hope that I have contributed a little bit to your enjoyment of the series and the fandom.

I have more plans for this continuity, delving not only into the five major past lives of Doumeki and Watanuki, but the consequences of their strangely entwined fates. The storyline was originally born of musings that there might be a karmic dynamic to the boys' relationship in the manga. Clamp series such as _RG Veda_, _Tsubasa_, _Cardcaptor Sakura_, and _Wish_ all contain overt past-life/other life/karmic connections between characters. It can be argued that many of their other series at the very least allude to such connections, even if not explicitly stated. _X_, _Tokyo Babylon_, and _Gohou Drug_ come to mind, especially since the latter two seem to be the biggest influences on _Xxxholic_. A lot of fans find reincarnation fics boring and clichéd, which worried me while writing this. But I found that once the idea took hold, I really did want to write it.

A great big thank you to everyone who has been reading so far. I didn't originally write the story to get attention or praise, but every review and comment really has motivated me to see the project through to the end. I'm hoping to stick through to the end arc without another major hiatus and I hope everyone who's liked the story so far will enjoy the rest of what's to come.

What's next?

- One or two pre-series one-shots, including the boys "first" meeting

- The five part story detailing five significant past lives of Doumeki & Watanuki

- The present-day storyline, which will include some consequences of reincarnating mortals who have immortal enemies, outlined to consist of three chapters

Informal poll time!

Which of the three would you like to see first?

Concerning the last two: would you prefer me to write the stories simultaneously and post them in parts or shall I focus on one story before moving on to the next?


End file.
